Values and Goal setting

[00:00:00] Well, hello! This is The Daily Five with Aurooba, that's me, where we reflect on creating our best lives a little bit every day. Here we go!

[00:00:15] There are values you want to have, the values you do have, and the values you act according to. Those three sets of values are not always the same, and that is when trouble happens in the land of goal setting.

[00:00:32] When it comes to the values you want to have, think about whether those are values you want to have, or if those are values you feel you should have. We're surrounded by all kinds of people, media, advertising, etc., and constantly being influenced by them. So make sure the values you want to have are your wants, and not what the world has told you to want.

[00:00:59] Then, there are the values you have when you have a moment of calm and are considering your ideals. These are your true values, typically.

[00:01:09] And then you have the values you act according to, seemingly. For example, I might say I value my health. However, if you surveyed my actions and behaviors for the last year or so, you would be confused because my actions were incredibly misaligned with that value. The values that surface in our daily lives are ultimately what matter most and they drive the outcome of any goals we set. So if the values you seem to act according to are not the values you set goals according to, then you will probably fail.

[00:01:45] I first read about values in this way when I was a teenager and reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, and it's a common concept. But no one ever really explains that misalignment between your professed values and actions is common. And in fact, goal setting can often be about bringing your life and actions into alignment with your values. So, for a large chunk of my life, I thought it was all hogwash. I used to say, hey, the only values that matter are the ones you act according to, and those are all just based on how life goes, so it's better to focus on other things instead, like habits or changing my environment, etc.

[00:02:32] I've since been persuaded otherwise. You see, I've experienced some kind of burnout every year for nearly a decade, no matter what changes I made. In fact, sometimes I've felt like the burnout never went away, and just kept getting worse. Then, I read something Sarah Drasner wrote, that, and I'm quoting here, "misalignment with too many fundamental values can lead to burnout, and this type of burnout can slowly build over time."

[00:03:06] Those 19 words, by the way, changed my life late last year, but that's a topic for another day.

[00:03:13] The point is, part of your life, parts of your life, are probably in misalignment with your values. And when you set goals, you should consider them against those values, and accept that it will take time to reorient those parts of your life to be aligned correctly.

[00:03:31] If you set goals according to the values the world told you, or according to what seems important in your life based on your previous actions, you're likely setting the wrong kinds of goals and setting yourself up for some level of failure or unsustainable change.

[00:03:46] It's okay if you don't live your life perfectly according to your values. You are human. Imperfection is part of your DNA, but so is the drive to improve, learn, do better, which is what goals are ultimately about.

[00:04:03] But how do you discover your values? There may be a few that are just so important that they are constantly top of mind. And there's plenty of exercises you can find online to help you figure them out, so I won't get into it here, except to encourage you to try a few.

[00:04:18] And yes, I said current values, because your values change and evolve with you. What's important to you tends to be different in different phases of your life. It's maybe easier to think of your values as that compass Captain Jack Sparrow had in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies: it didn't point north, an immovable and permanent cardinal direction, instead, it pointed towards what he wanted most at any given time. So your values are important, and you should set your goals according to them if you want the most success.

[00:04:54] Thanks for listening. Same time tomorrow?