What we think we need vs what others think we need

[00:00:00] **Aurooba Ahmed:** Well, hello. This is The Daily Five with Aurooba, that's me, where we reflect on creating our best lives a little bit every day. Here we go.

[00:00:15] Okay, this might be a short one today. Or maybe not, because sometimes when I get going, I really do keep going. I was thinking about the tension between what we think is right for someone versus what they think is right for themselves. I think this tension shows up most commonly in pop culture as the struggle between parents and their children, particularly teenage children, but I think this tension is pretty much prevalent in all parts of our lives.

[00:00:44] It can also make its way into all kinds of relationships. I'm going to use the example of a romantic relationship because one just came to mind. Because that's also another place where this commonly pops up. There's this trope of what the girl wants and what the guy thinks the girl wants, or what the guy wants and what the girl thinks the guy wants.

[00:01:05] In Gilmore Girls, after Sookie and Jackson, two of the sort of side ish characters, they get married, they move into Sookie's house, which is quite feminine. It has pink walls, and purple details, and flowers, and frankly, it's way too frilly. And Sookie starts to get worried that all the pink, frill, and flowers would make Jackson feel unwelcome, and that he'd by extension then start to resent her and hate her.

[00:01:30] So she set about quote unquote butching up the house, despite him constantly assuring her that he loves the house as it is. He's a farmer. He likes flowers. He likes pink. He's fine. Don't change the house. But Sookie paints the house blue, she buys a taxidermied bear, and hangs a fish on top of the mantel.

[00:01:50] And they have this ridiculous fight where he says, you know, why are you changing everything? And Sookie goes, because I want you to be happy! It's incredibly comical to watch, an exaggeration of something that happens all the time, I think, in smaller and less crazy ways. It is true, you know. I think it's true that sometimes we don't know what we want, and the people closest to us can see the truth that we may struggle to see ourselves.

[00:02:18] But I also think it's not as true as often as we like to think. Even if it were, let's say that I don't want something, even if you're convinced it's what I need, I may not actually be ready for that thing, even if you're right. And there may be a gentler path to arrive at something that works for both of us, or perhaps a gentler path for you to have me see that you're right.

[00:02:44] As a person who likes to think she's right more often than not, I encounter this a number of times. You know, I see something, the other person doesn't, and doesn't want to accept it. And, as a particularly stubborn and bullheaded person, I also encounter this a number of times. Someone who loves me sees something, and I refuse to see it until you know, I eventually see it because my, the people I love are very smart, what can I say?

[00:03:10] So, what's the takeaway? I'm not sure, honestly. Maybe the takeaway is that relationships of any kind are complicated. Maybe it's that just because you think you know the right thing for someone doesn't mean it's the right thing for that person right now in that way. Or maybe it's that the people closest to you can sometimes see things clearer than you, and if you trust them, maybe you should seriously consider what they have to say.

[00:03:37] You can probably take it many ways. Or you can take it as the nightly tired ramblings of a rando on the internet. That is okay too.

[00:03:50] Thanks for listening. Same time tomorrow?