On honesty

[00:00:00] **Aurooba Ahmed:** Well hello, this is The Daily Five with Aurooba, that's me, where we reflect on creating our best lives a little bit every day. Here we go.

[00:00:15] It is almost hilarious that the last episode was on burnout and then I had to take a two week break because I got so unbelievably ill that I was sleeping for 15 to 16 hours for multiple days. Anyway, I lost a streak, which sucks, but I'm here and back to finish up the season because that is what we do around here. We don't give up, we keep on going, and we adapt as needed.

[00:00:43] The topic on my mind today is honesty. There are some books from your childhood that just stick with you. For me, one of those books is The Landry News by Andrew Clements. I think I read it in grade 3? I was obsessed with all of the Andrew Clements books, but I read this one again and again.

[00:01:04] The Landry News is about this girl, Cara, who Or Cara, I'm just going to say Cara, who starts a school newspaper, and it starts out a little bit vicious. Not malicious, but just written in a factual manner that comes across vicious, which naturally gets her into trouble. Now, the actual novel is about a lot more things and has bigger takeaways. It's quite the excellent read. I still love that book. But Cara's mom tells her one day that you can tell the truth, but still be kind. There is a kind way to tell the truth in an unkind way. So choose kindness. When Cara relaunches the newspaper after getting in trouble, the motto of the newspaper becomes Truth and Mercy.

[00:01:48] Because, as she wrote in her editor's note, a good newspaper must have both. That bit has always stuck with me. Now, I believe that we all do kindness a little differently. The thing with big ideas like kindness, quality, love, honesty, is that we all understand them and we all interpret them differently. So today I'd like to talk about what I think real honesty is.

[00:02:17] Honesty, true honesty, is lined in kindness. It comes from a place of goodness and positive intentions. It comes from care. Care for yourself, care for another, some type of care. Honesty is not always giving the blunt answer, although there certainly are situations where a blunt answer is called for. Honesty is being truthful, clear and sincere. Honesty comes from a place of trust and honor, of being unafraid of the hard truths and finding a way to deliver them clearly, but not maliciously. Honesty requires us to confront our own motivations and get clear about them as well. I believe that environments and relationships that nurture, appreciate, and encourage honesty are better for it.

[00:03:09] That being said, it's important to remember that just because you do something honestly and kindly, doesn't mean that another person will take it positively. They are also allowed to have an honest reaction of their own choosing to your honesty. And I will also remind you that there is a ratio some people adhere to, that it takes five positive interactions to cancel or neutralize the effects of one negative one.

[00:03:35] And of course, vice versa, it only takes one negative reaction or action to neutralize and destroy the goodwill of five positive interactions. We often think about honesty when we have difficult feedback to deliver or a difficult conversation that needs to be had. I encourage you to think about honesty in positive situations as well.

[00:03:59] Did that person handle that thing really well? Give them your honest admiration or praise. Don't hold that back. You don't have to be effusive. You don't have to gush. You can simply acknowledge that they did something well. If honesty is about truth, clarity, and sincerity, then it is called for in both good and bad situations.

[00:04:20] It's called for in the moments of success and also in the moments of strife. And the great thing about that is, when you choose to be honest and share the good and the bad, when you have something a little more difficult to say, it carries more weight. It carries more value. Because the other person can trust that you see the good and the bad.

[00:04:41] You see the whole picture. Your motivations come from a place of goodness. You've built up that goodwill, so even if this is a harsh pill to swallow, it doesn't eradicate that relationship or make it take a big, horrible hit. The honest happiness and joy you share with people is deeply important, deeply valuable, for the balance and weight it provides when you have something not so easy to talk about or share.

[00:05:06] Honesty, not just in certain moments, but as a way to communicate throughout any situation or life or thing, is a powerful and effective concept. And I promise you, growth and goodness comes out of having honest, difficult conversations. But only if you also have honest, positive, and happy conversations, too.

[00:05:33] Thanks for listening! Same time tomorrow?