Default to kindness

[00:00:00] **Aurooba Ahmed:** Well, hello, this is The Daily Five with Aurooba, that's me, where we reflect on creating our best lives a little bit every day. Here we go.

[00:00:15] Okay, so, if you're listening in order, the last episode you listened to was on being responsible for your own successes and failures. And, that's a little intense, I, I, I know that. This is a continuation because that episode is already longer than five minutes. Everything I said in that last episode, I believe.

[00:00:39] I believe that it's important to empower yourself, to take control of what is in your control, and accept the rest. Like I said, your successes and failures are made up of a wild combination of variables, some in your control and some not. And there are times, really, really sucky times, where the variables outside your control are so, so much greater than the variables within your control. How can you possibly be responsible, then?

[00:01:07] Well, the first thing I'll say is that the one thing always within your power is how you define success, and you are free to redefine it as you need. The other thing always within your power is the story you tell yourself about what is happening. You can either tell a story that I suck and I didn't pay attention in class, and that's why I failed this test. Or you could know the story, Not paying attention in class is why I failed this test, but next time I will do better, because now I know. The true facts are laid out in both those stories. But in one, the focus is on the failure and it's derogatory. In the second, it's truthful, but coming from a learning mindset. The second one is preferable. You'll still feel bad about filling the test in both those stories. But in the first, that bad feeling is lined in even more guilt and negativity. In the second, the bad feeling is lined in hope and determination. It has a silver lining, and those are good.

[00:02:05] There is another difference between those two stories. One is kind, and one is unkind. Listen, the world, it sucks a lot. I know that. I've experienced it. Life can sometimes suck a lot. For all kinds of deeply complicated and uncontrollable reasons. Sometimes you are berating yourself. Sometimes you're berating the world. Sometimes you're berating the inanimate. And sometimes you're berating other people. Here's the thing, the other thing you can always control is how you can react to the situation and I am willing to bet that if you react to the situation with kindness, true kindness, not niceness, mind you. It'll all go a little better.

[00:02:53] It is a kindness to accept what you cannot change. It is a kindness to learn from a failure rather than beat yourself up about it or another person. It is a kindness to tell the truth to a friend even if it's not exactly what they want to hear. It is a kindness to help the random elderly lady on the plane sitting two seats away from you who lost her headphones when the plane trembled. It is a kindness to remember why you love the people you love and focus on that rather than their annoying habit of leaving socks everywhere. You are responsible for your own successes and failures.

[00:03:29] And one way or another, those successes and failures, they start with you and they end with you. It's the middle you have no control over. So, choose to be responsible by starting kind and ending kind. It's cliche to say it, but the attitude you have, the stories you tell yourself and others, they matter almost more than the thing that actually happened. Because we don't remember facts, we remember experiences. And those are two very different things.

[00:03:59] Default to kindness in your experiences and the role you play in other people's experiences. Choose to care a little more than the deeply low bar society has set, for yourself and for others. And you cannot really be kind, sustainably be kind, truly be kind, if you are not kind to yourself first. That means a lot of things.

[00:04:23] It means taking care of yourself. It means letting go of what you can't control. And it is hard work, okay? Okay. Okay. I'm not saying any of this is easy. I'm not saying any of this isn't frustrating because it isn't easy and it is pretty damn frustrating sometimes. You know, good things don't always come easy.

[00:04:44] You are responsible for your own successes and failures. So, default to kindness. Choose to define your successes. Live your experiences in a way that is kind. Kindness is productive. Kindness moves the needle. Kindness is not niceness. Default to kindess. Thanks for listening. Same time tomorrow?